YFSF

Shorter (Longer?) Tony Massarotti

The Red Sox should have signed Mark Teixeira because it would only have cost them a couple of million dollars a year extra, especially in light of the fact that they haven’t dealt with Jason Bay’s free agency yet even though he’s not a free agent and they might not re-sign him (but they might, also). Also, JD Drew is dead while Johnny Damon is not, even though I am going to list statistics that show Drew is better, but all that matters is that Damon is a free agent after this year and Drew is not.  I think that makes sense, but I am not sure. Oh, Coco Crisp is in Kansas City, too. Forgot to mention him. Theo really missed the boat on that guy, right?! I need to list a bunch of guys the Sox obtained thinking they’d be better than they were – let’s see.  Lugo. Wily Mo. Matt Young. Lugo. Jack Clark. Lugo. Nick Esask- no, wait, he had vertigo, he didn’t actually suck. Still, vertigo? Seriously? I mean, that’s weak. I am a “torn ACL” career-ending injury kind of guy, not a “I can’t go up in that Ferris Wheel” kind of career-ending injury guy. But back to Teixeira. This column is about Teixeira and how he would have helped the Sox, especially because Ortiz is struggling. Lars Anderson Lars Anderson Lars Anderson I read SoSH Minor League forums. Oh, wait, you know what? I forgot, Ortiz wouldn’t have been replaced by Teixeira, Lowell would have, my bad, but I have to admit Lowell is really doing well.  Also,the Sox do have a lot of good prospects, and they spend money, and that’s great and all but really it’s a lot less relevant because they have guys on their roster who are dead. Like JD Drew. I wonder if they will find him in the Atlantic Ocean with those other Brazilian and French people. (Just kidding, it’s a metaphor, JD Drew isn’t dead!  He’s alive! Lugo? Not so sure, he might really be dead!). Now, let’s get back to Jason Bay, who might or might not be a free agent. Since we don’t know what’s going to happen in November, I’ll just assume he will be a free agent, it makes things easier to imagine. I also need to mention Hanley Ramirez and how the Sox traded him, in the context of the Teixeira non-deal. Why? It has to do with those two million dollars and prospects like Hanley, who are great players the Sox squandered for noth-- wait, they won a World Series with Beckett? When? 

Anyhow, Ortiz is stuck on the Sox, Teixeira is on the Yankees, and Jason Bay is going to be a free agent at the end of the year. Unless he isn’t.

Could This Work?

From The Onion:

"You said there would be no baseball," said Ortiz, refusing to leave the car. "I hate baseball. I can't hit the baseball. You know that. If you care so much about me and baseball, why you leave me? Why you leave me by myself in Boston, Manny? Why you do that? Why you act so bad? Boston's a good place."

"You need to deal with that, man. You need to come to terms," Ramirez said. "I never going back to Boston. But, man, look at these kids. This is baseball, man. Little kids having fun and not injecting themselves with steroids and women pills and just stepping up there and hitting the ball. You gotta face it, man. We gotta face it together."

"Everybody's left me, you know?" Ortiz responded, tears streaming down his face. "You left me, Pedro left me. The only one who doesn't leave is Jason [Varitek], and he don't talk to me. He don't talk to anyone."

Breaking News

Ortiz' fix.

The Vodka Ad

(Dumbo, Brooklyn, 5.29.09)

Gerrit Cole

Andrew Brackman

Ian Kennedy

CJ Henry

Phil Hughes

Eric Duncan

John-Ford Griffin

David Parrish

David Walling

Andrew Brown

These are the last ten Yankee first round draft picks. I think I will stick with my regular Vodka.

Take a Hike, Redux

Lest we be charged with being a partisan hack, we thought it important to offer the Boston version of Phil Mushnick's cost-comparison.

For the same cost of sitting in the cushiest spot at Fenway, one could catch a Greyhound bus to Cleveland, sit in the Diamond Box at the Jake , and have a meal at Beard Prize nominee Michael Symon's Lola. No hotel, though, you need to get right back on the bus to Beantown.

The First Official YFSF Open Caption Contest

Winner gets a YFSF-endorsed "clean-blogger" grab bag.

Separated at Birth, Red Sox SS Edition

They are practically twins, no?!

Reverse Jinx, Exemplified

Rule number one of game thread karma?  Do not post game threads for delinquent moderating rival fans.

So thank you Nick. It was a really good run. 

(Oh, and Paul and I won't be around today, can one of you YFs get tonight's Sox thread?)

Overpriced

Separated at Birth: Variety Show Edition

 

By day he is an esteemed writer, Yankee blogger, and design critic.  By night, a visually impaired Billy Joel impersonator.

A true American Idol.

(h/t to Mrs. SF for pointing out the resemblance)